The Grouch
Yeah, it's nearing the end of the semester, a time where much mixed emotions filter in to the steaming hot mug that is me. I.e. said feelings are kind of like creamer, and I'm just sitting there on the counter, and one can observe the feelings mixing in a cool little dance.
I am wrapping up what will be, probably, the most hectic mathematical semester of my existence. I took 2 of the top level classes, and one class which I often argue is a joke (but really, it should have not been), and one that I just kind of enjoyed: Vector Calclus, Differential Equations, Physics 4A, and Discrete Mathematics.
I've got to say, I've surpassed all of my own expectations and nervousness about said classes. I thought myself to be quite the dummy, and very insecure about my mathematical abilities (rightfully so, as I've maintained a C average most of my life), and now I am coming out on top in some of these classes (As and Bs). Go me. Next semester I dive in to my physics classes with Physics 4B, and 4C (Electromagnetism, and Relativity/Quantum Mechanics respectively), and a class that I have been looking forward to since junior high (no joke!): Linear Algebra.
If all goes well, next semester I get my acceptance letters and I will be spending my falls basking in the flourescent glow of the lights within the Science Library at UCI.
All of this worrying about success, and whatnot has had me thinking a lot about optimism, and pessimism. That and I was recently described as the grouch in the house. I tend to have a problem with what I usually sense as false (or fake) optimism (and I usually point it out). As I've already explained, things like "well at least...," usually perterb me (my friend insists I am an ass because of this). Or when someone purposesly ignores a potential negative to narrow in on a positive. For example, today I took a test in Differential Equations (DE) and did iffy. A local turd said "Ah, not bad!" I said "What?" (I thought he was implying that 'iffy' was a good thing)
"Well," he continued, "It's not good, and it's not bad! So I say, not bad!"
"Oh," I rolled my eyes.
OK, so when I am feeling impatient, I have to wonder if I am behaving in a rational manner - I find that I am coming up quite short on this one. I can't figure what is the most 'rational' way to behave.
I often try to keep in mind that I want to perceive the world in an as much a 'realistic' light as possible. I.e. I don't try to sugar coat things, and I don't try to paint things in a dark demeanor. I try to use any skills I have for describing things, not my interpreting skills. I.e., reality is to be described, not interpreted like a piece of art. So I feel it makes sense for me to be irked when someone alters the truth of what I feel I am accurately perceiving. It's like being lied to, in a sense.
None the less most people, it seems, are optimistic or better yet (I think) hopeful.
An example:
Often, after a math test for example (such as tonight), I find myself humored as we gather about outside the door to discuss our test. It's interesting to note how unsure everyone is (and rightfully so, since none of us have the answers) and yet how optimistic we are. We discuss the problems we remember as being annoying, and usually a group majority will come to a consensus about what the solution actually is. Even if one is out numbered in their solution, that one will usually believe they are the correct. I have done this, friends have, and at least 3 other students did this tonight. And, of course, the other students (the one part of the group consensus) feel they are correct. So, everyone feels as though they have succeeded (via some self-fulfilling confirmation bias) and thus feel content when going home.
Often, after a math test for example (such as tonight), I find myself humored as we gather about outside the door to discuss our test. It's interesting to note how unsure everyone is (and rightfully so, since none of us have the answers) and yet how optimistic we are. We discuss the problems we remember as being annoying, and usually a group majority will come to a consensus about what the solution actually is. Even if one is out numbered in their solution, that one will usually believe they are the correct. I have done this, friends have, and at least 3 other students did this tonight. And, of course, the other students (the one part of the group consensus) feel they are correct. So, everyone feels as though they have succeeded (via some self-fulfilling confirmation bias) and thus feel content when going home.
I prefer to feel iffy. Because, then, I am not commiting. I am in, and rightfully so, a state of unknowing. I am certain that sharing our answers doesn't increase the likelyhood of any problem being more correct than the other, as all it does is demonstrates that the group is in agreement. I think this is reasonable, and I don't see the fault with it. Sure, it isn't coated in sugar, but it seems to be the most honest (which is better, in my opinion).
But, this doesn't change the fact that I am the grouch of the house. Yeugh!
See? I'm not bitter and crazy...
This guy, Bjarne Stroustrup. Developer of C++, gets what is going on with CS students these days. I'd love to see some change - alas, I am never to return to this field in academia again.
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